Gianna's Gem: The Feedback Paradox: Why The Best Use it as an Advantage
/Hi there,
This week's Gianna's Gem tackles something I see play out repeatedly in the events industry and in business in general: the fascinating divide between how top performers and struggling performers approach feedback.
Spoiler alert—the difference isn't about talent or intelligence. It's about growth mindset, and it's one of the clearest predictors of who will rise to the top and who will sink or plateau at best.
Gianna's Gem: The best performers don't just tolerate feedback—they actively hunt for it. They know that feedback is the breakfast of champions, and they're hungry.
Let me share a couple of stories that crystallized this principle for me based on my own career.
Example 1: The Executive Who Changed How I Think About Feedback Forever
I was planning an inaugural and very high profileCEO/Investor Summit, and like most planners, I'd carefully crafted our post-event survey with the usual questions: "What did you enjoy most?" "How would you rate the overall experience?" "What was your favorite session?" You know the drill—questions designed to generate positive testimonials and high NPS scores that we could proudly present to leadership to demonstrate the value and effectiveness of our event.
While onsite, literally the day before the event started, my executive sponsor reviewed the survey draft. He handed it back with a simple but game-changing note: "Redo this. I want you to focus exclusively on critical feedback. Ask attendees what we could improve, what fell short, what frustrated them, what we missed. We already know this event is going to be good—we hired you and invested properly. What I need to know is: where are our blind spots? What can we learn? How can we make the next event three times better"
My initial reaction? Panic. What if people only focus on negative despite all the good I knew would come from the event? What if it looks like we didn’t have a positive ROI? And then, my own ego - who doesn’t like a pat on the back?
But here's what happened: We restructured the survey to ask things like "What's one thing we could have done better?" and "If you could change one aspect of this event, what would it be?" and "What prevented this from being a perfect 10 experience?" And then of course, open response format so people could share anything else” along with the standard NPS score because afterall, that was one of our KPI measurement criteria.
The results? Our NPS still hit it out of the park—people loved the event. But more importantly, we got incredibly actionable intelligence. Events are pure gold for collecting valuable attendee data in that regard.
That executive taught me something profound: top performers (and companies in this case) don't ask for feedback to stroke their ego—they ask for it to find their edge.
And that mindset difference? It separates the legends from the merely good.
Example 2: When No One's Evaluating You, Evaluate Yourself
Years later, I experienced the power of proactive feedback-seeking firsthand in an unexpected way while running my own business where nobody is giving me performance reviews.
I was consulting as a fractional Head of Events for a startup—a fast-growing company where I was leading their entire events strategy on a six-month contract. The work was exciting, the team was talented, and I was fully immersed in building their events program from the ground up.
Three months in—halfway through my contract—I realized something: No one had checked in on my performance. Not once.
This wasn't neglect. It was startup reality. They were a young company that hadn't yet built out formal HR processes, and performance reviews simply weren't part of their culture yet. Everyone was moving too fast, heads down, building.
But here's the thing: I needed to know how I was doing.
Not because I was insecure. Not because I needed validation. But because I genuinely wanted to know if there were blind spots I was missing, areas where I could deliver more value, or ways I could better align with their evolving needs.
So I did something that might sound unusual: I created my own performance review.
I drafted a comprehensive self-assessment that included:
What I'd accomplished in the first three months
Key metrics and outcomes from processes I’d established, value I’d added, contracts negotiated, events I'd led, etc.
Areas where I felt I'd excelled and honest request for feedback on where I could improve
Suggestions for how I could add even more value in the remaining three months
I sent it to my main point of contact with a simple note: "I know formal reviews aren't part of your process yet, but I'd love your candid feedback on how I'm doing and where I can improve to better serve the company's goals."
The result?
Not only did I receive incredibly valuable feedback that helped me recalibrate my approach for the second half of the contract, but something unexpected happened: I was offered a substantial raise—immediately—and my contract was extended for another six months before the original contract had even expired.
Why? Because proactively seeking feedback demonstrated something they valued even more than the work itself: ownership, self-awareness, and a genuine commitment to excellence.
They told me later that my initiative in creating that review showed them I was treating this fractional role like it was my own company—because that's exactly how top performers think.
Now, contrast that with a completely different story.
I have a colleague—let's call him Mark—who likes to joke that he "doesn't believe in performance reviews." He's talented, technically strong, and has years of experience. But when it came time for annual reviews, he'd purposely ignore them and joke that he didn’t need to do them.
"It's all just corporate theater," he'd say with a laugh. "I know I'm doing fine."
Until the day he wasn't.
Mark was blindsided when his manager informed him he was being placed on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP). Suddenly, all those reviews he'd dismissed as meaningless became very meaningful—because he had no documentation, no record of feedback received or addressed, no paper trail showing his contributions or growth.
When he tried to argue against the PIP, pointing to projects he'd worked on and value he'd delivered, he had nothing concrete to reference. No feedback sessions. No documented wins. No evidence of continuous improvement. Just his word against a mounting file of concerns his manager had been documenting all along.
The irony? If Mark had been proactively seeking feedback throughout those years—asking "how am I doing?" and "what could I improve?"—he would have seen the warning signs long before they became a PIP. He would have had opportunities to course-correct. He would have built a track record of responsiveness and growth.
Instead, his avoidance of feedback cost him not just the PIP, but ultimately his job.
Two people. Two opposite approaches to feedback. Two radically different outcomes.
I got a raise and extended contract by creating feedback opportunities that didn't even exist.
Mark lost his job by avoiding feedback opportunities that were handed to him.
Gianna's Gem: When you avoid feedback, you're not protecting yourself—you're blindfolding yourself. And you can't dodge bullets you never see coming.
This is the heart of why top performers hunger for feedback while average performers avoid it. It's not about being criticized or praised. It's about having the clearest possible picture of reality so you can navigate it successfully.
And that mindset difference? It's often the single biggest predictor of long-term success.
And you can do this for your personal life as well. I not only ask my clients for reviews, I also take inventory every New Year on what goals I’m setting for the year and I revisit them every week to see how I’m tracking and to hold myself accountable. Why do this only once a year and hope for the best - it’s better to be consistent and ultimately leads to really awesome end of year self reflection as opposed to another year of misalignment on your priorities.
The Psychology Behind the Feedback Divide
Let's talk about why top performers seek feedback while struggling performers avoid it.
Why Top Performers Actively Seek Feedback:
Growth Mindset Over Fixed Mindset Top performers believe their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Feedback isn't a judgment of their worth—it's data they can use to get better. They see themselves as perpetual works in progress, which makes feedback feel like fuel rather than criticism.
Confidence Rooted in Self-Awareness Counterintuitively, the best performers are often more confident AND more willing to hear hard truths. Why? Because their confidence isn't fragile—it's not based on being perfect but on their ability to learn and adapt. They know one piece of critical feedback doesn't negate their overall competence.
Competitive Advantage Through Intelligence Gathering Top performers understand that feedback is insider information about their performance that others might not see. It's like having a coach reviewing game tape—you can't improve what you can't see. They treat feedback as competitive intelligence.
Relationship Building Seeking feedback signals respect, humility, and a genuine desire to improve. It actually strengthens relationships because it shows you value the other person's perspective and are invested in delivering value to them.
Future-Focused Rather Than Past-Defensive High performers are more interested in "how can I be better tomorrow?" than "was I good enough yesterday?" This forward orientation makes feedback feel productive rather than threatening.
Why Low Performers Avoid Feedback:
Fear of Exposure When performance is already shaky, feedback feels like a spotlight on inadequacy. There's often a hope that if they avoid feedback, weaknesses won't be "officially" noticed or documented.
Fixed Mindset Low performers often believe talent is fixed—you either have it or you don't. From that perspective, negative feedback confirms their worst fear: that they're simply not cut out for this. It feels like an identity threat rather than a development opportunity.
Fragile Ego Protection When self-worth is tied to being seen as competent, any criticism threatens the entire identity. Avoiding feedback becomes a defense mechanism to protect a fragile sense of self.
Lack of Agency Struggling performers often feel powerless to change their circumstances. If you believe you can't improve anyway, why seek painful feedback? This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Short-Term Comfort Over Long-Term Growth Avoiding feedback feels better in the moment, even though it guarantees stagnation. It's the professional equivalent of avoiding the scale when you know you've gained weight.
Gianna's Gem: The irony is —the people who most need feedback are the most resistant to it, while those who least need it can't get enough. Breaking this pattern is how average performers become exceptional.
How to Ask for Feedback Like a Top Performer
Asking for feedback is an art. Done poorly, you'll get vague platitudes. Done well, you'll get gold. Here's how the best do it:
Make It Specific and Actionable: Instead of: "How did I do?" or "Any feedback?"
Try:
"What's one thing I could have done differently in that presentation to make it more compelling?"
"If you were planning this event again, what's the first thing you'd change?"
"What's one skill you think I should focus on developing in the next quarter?"
"Was there a moment in that meeting where I could have been more effective?"
Specificity gives people permission to be honest and makes it easier for them to give you something useful.
Ask in the Moment (or Soon After): The best feedback is fresh feedback. Don't wait six months to ask about a project from January.
Right after an event, presentation, or project: "Hey, do you have five minutes? I'd love to hear your thoughts on what worked and what I could improve while it's still fresh."
Strike while the iron is hot and details are memorable.
Create Psychological Safety for the Feedback Giver: Make it easy and safe for people to be honest with you.
Strategies:
Normalize imperfection: "I know I have blind spots, and I'd rather hear about them from you than be blindsided later."
Show genuine curiosity: "I'm really trying to level up in [specific area], and your perspective would be invaluable."
Thank them in advance: "I really appreciate you taking time to help me improve."
Respond with gratitude, not defensiveness: "That's so helpful—I hadn't considered that angle."
Pro tip: If someone gives you critical feedback and your immediate response is defensive, you've just trained them never to be honest with you again. Bite your tongue, say thank you, and process your feelings later.
Ask Different People for Different Perspectives: Each perspective gives you a different lens on your performance.
Your manager: Career trajectory, leadership presence, strategic thinking
Your peers: Collaboration, communication, team dynamics
Your direct reports (if applicable): Leadership style, clarity, support
Your clients/partners/vendors: Value delivery, experience, pain points, communication
Your mentors: Big-picture patterns, industry positioning
Follow Up on Feedback You've Received: This is where most people fail. Asking for feedback is step one. Acting on it and closing the loop is what separates real growth from performative curiosity.
After implementing feedback: "Remember when you mentioned I should improve my presentation openings? I've been working on that—here's what I tried in yesterday's meeting. I'd love to know if you think it landed better."
This shows you actually listened, value their input, and are committed to growth. It also makes people more willing to give you feedback in the future.
Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want Answers To
If you're going to ask for feedback, be prepared to hear things that sting. Don't ask if you're just fishing for compliments. People can smell inauthenticity, and fake feedback requests damage trust.
Gianna's Gem: The quality of feedback you receive is directly proportional to how safe you make it for people to tell you the truth. Create that safety, and watch the insights flow.
How to Use Feedback to Strengthen Performance and Relationships
Getting feedback is useless if you don't do anything with it. Here's how to transform feedback into fuel:
Listen Without Defending: Your only job when receiving feedback is to understand it, not debate it.
Instead of: "Well, actually, the reason I did it that way was because..."
Try: "Tell me more about that. Can you give me an example?" or "What would you have wanted to see instead?"
Curiosity > defensiveness, always.
Look for Patterns, Not Isolated Comments
One person's feedback might be their unique perspective. Three people saying the same thing? That's a pattern worth addressing.
Keep a feedback journal. When multiple sources mention the same theme, prioritize it.
Separate Facts from Feelings
Sometimes feedback is factual ("You were 10 minutes late to the meeting"). Sometimes it's interpretive ("You seemed disengaged").
For factual feedback, acknowledge and commit to change.
For interpretive feedback, seek to understand the perception while recognizing it may not be the full picture. "I appreciate you sharing that I seemed disengaged. That wasn't my intention—I was processing complex information. How can I better signal I'm actively listening in future meetings?"
Create an Action Plan
After receiving feedback, ask yourself:
What's the core truth here, even if delivery was imperfect?
What's one specific behavior I can change?
What support or resources do I need?
How will I measure improvement?
Who can hold me accountable?
Use Feedback to Deepen Relationships
Here's something most people miss: asking for and acting on feedback doesn't weaken relationships—it strengthens them.
When you ask someone for their honest input and then visibly improve because of it, you're telling them: "Your opinion matters. You made me better." That's powerful relationship currency.
After acting on someone's feedback, circle back: "I took your advice about [specific thing] and applied it to [situation]. The results were so much better. Thank you for pushing me to improve."
This creates a virtuous cycle where people become invested in your success.
Creating a Feedback Culture: The Ripple Effect
Here's the beautiful thing about embracing feedback: it's contagious.
When you consistently ask for feedback, receive it graciously, act on it visibly, and give feedback thoughtfully, you create an environment where:
People feel psychologically safe to speak up
Mistakes are treated as learning opportunities, not career enders
Excellence becomes the norm because everyone is constantly improving
Relationships deepen because people feel heard and valued
Innovation flourishes because people aren't afraid to experiment and refine
I've seen this play out in my own teams. Once feedback became normalized—not something to fear but something to seek—performance skyrocketed. People started proactively asking, "What could I have done better?" after projects. Team members gave each other real-time feedback without it feeling like an attack. And guess what? Employee satisfaction went up, not down.
Why? Because people want to grow. They want to know they're improving. They want to feel like their work matters enough for someone to invest in making them better.
I do this with my husband and son as well about once a quarter. We all tactfully share what we love about each other and areas for feedback. This not only demonstrates to my son that it’s not just him that needs to improve (yes, we still catch him eating with his hands and he’s eight!), but teaches him that everyone can improve at any age with a growth mindset.
Your Feedback Action Plan
Ready to join the ranks of top performers who actively seek and leverage feedback? Here's your game plan:
This Week:
Identify three people whose perspective you value (manager, peer, client, mentor, family member, etc.) and ask each one a specific feedback question about a recent project or interaction.
When you receive feedback, resist the urge to defend or explain. Just listen, ask clarifying questions, and say thank you.
Pick one piece of feedback and create a concrete action plan for how you'll apply it.
This Month:
Follow up with at least one person who gave you feedback and share what you've done with their input.
Give thoughtful feedback to someone else—both a top performer (helping them level up) and someone who's struggling (with clarity and support).
Reflect on patterns. Are there themes emerging across different people's feedback? Those are your highest-leverage growth areas.
This Quarter:
Make feedback a habit, not an event. Build it into your regular rhythms—after every event, presentation, or major milestone.
Measure your progress. Are you seeing improvement in the areas people flagged? Are relationships stronger because of these conversations?
Remember: The gap between top performers and everyone else often comes down to this: top performers treat feedback like rocket fuel, while average performers treat it like kryptonite.
But here's the good news: seeking feedback is a skill, and like any skill, you can develop it. You don't need to be naturally thick-skinned or supremely confident. You just need to decide that growth matters more than comfort.
Gianna's Gem: Every piece of feedback is a gift. Some gifts are beautifully wrapped, and some come in ugly packaging. But if you're willing to unwrap them all, you'll find the insights that transform good into legendary.
So go ahead. Ask the hard questions. Seek the critical feedback. Act on what you learn. And watch yourself grow in ways you didn't think possible.
That's the secret of the top performers. And now, it's yours too.
What I'm Loving This Week:
For all my favorite vendors, partners and products, visit: https://www.giannagaudini.com/gianna-recommends
Book Recommendation: Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. This book completely changed how I think about feedback—not as something to endure but as a skill to master.
Need some feedback or mentorship?
Book me here 👉 intro.co/giannagaudini
Let me guide your team 👉https://www.giannagaudini.com/learn-from-me
Gianna Gaudini is an event strategist, advisor, and author of the Amazon bestselling book "The Art of Event Planning." She's held leadership roles at Google, AWS, SoftBank Vision Fund, and Airtable, creating unforgettable experiences that drive business results.
